“i don’t understand” ; “good”

Today alone, my mind has felt like its own universe, parallel from the one in which I live but residing within my own soul, overlapping with the universe around me while encompassing all that I am and all that I will be.

Thoughts: they are glorious entities.

I have found myself repeatedly frustrated with the fact that I am experiencing emotions that are seemingly unidentifiable and far beyond my comprehension. While I know the answers to some of these complex feelings reside somewhere within me, I anxiously seek their causes and the answers. The emotions become stronger and more distant, receding further and further into the depths of my heart until I can barely determine how I feel about my feelings. I am a chain of my own misunderstanding. I basically am my own answer, but I can’t figure out what that answer is, thus leaving me confused, disgruntled, and simply dumbfounded. I am myself. Right?

So why do my feelings seem so distant? Why do parts of my soul feel so distant from my mind? What is even going on?

I don’t understand.

…but I’ve learned that that’s okay.

Not only is it okay that I don’t understand, but it is chillingly beautiful and frighteningly human.

Life has reminded me that we do not need to understand everything. True maturity is knowing that we cannot understand and know everything, and that regardless of our stage in life, we will never stop learning and attaining a greater grasp on our world–that which can be seen, felt, heard, tasted, and desired with our entire being.

We are living mysteries, and we will never fully understand ourselves because we are far more complex than we realize. So much is occurring within each cell and organ; we are constantly ruminating on concepts and perceptions within our psyches whether we realize it or not. Even if we do not consider ourselves in a mode of self-discovery, the opportunities to learn about oneself never cease… and that certainly means we have even more to learn about each other, others, God, everything that is, and everything that is not.

I’m on a journey to comprehend as much as I can… and cannot. One reason I write to you is so that we can attempt to comprehend life’s mysteries from our humble humanity, while realizing that as long as we are in this earthly state, mystery will always stand between us and understanding. Unless maybe we understand the mystery, in which case the mystery becomes the understanding and even in our misunderstanding, we are fully comprehending with our hearts and souls rather than our eyes and ears.

Do you understand me? (… because I don’t even know that I do.)


ambiguous yet thoughtful reminder

I wonder if this applies to you like it applies to me:

To a dearest and beloved soul,

You made me realize something essential to the essence of my being.

Revelation: something must change.

You opened my eyes. You reminded me what life is about.

Perhaps it was not an easy reminder to hear, but I am grateful that I’m aware.

I’ve been confusing my wants with my needs and my needs with my wants.

I’ve been procrastinating my happiness by waiting for the future to become my present.

I’ve been too focused on what things mean rather than what things are. 

Thank you for reminding me. I needed to hear it.

…because life should always be one giant celebration of love.